The Memo Spot

Unicycles, Gays and the United States of America

2006-05-31T20:58:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: All Staff
FROM: dcc
RE: Unicycles, Gays and the United States of America

FOR INTERNAL USE ONLY. ALL OPINIONS ARE OF THE AUTHOR AND NOT THE OFFICAL STANCE OF THE MEMO SPOT.

Staff-

In doing entertainment research for the Memo Spots up coming blog picnic, I came across an unicyclist group. I thought it would be a fantastic addition to have an unicyclist for the children and perhaps even offer lessons for the more daring on our staff. Therefore I decided to investigate further into the rainbow decorated website. I happily learned the proprietor of this company is a man of God and a practicing Pastor. He promptly responded to my inquiry about attending the picnic but to my dismay he does not teach lessons.

However he said that his rides are intended to teach lessons. He is riding through the United States on his unicycle to push forward the causes of Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgender rights. I was flabbergasted that a man with only one wheel would take on such a major endeavor. For as well all know at the Memo Spot, political advocacy should be taken on with both feet on the ground.

When I asked Lars about his reasoning for utilizing the unicycle he mentioned that people along his trip wanted to know the same thing. According to his response “The surprising thing about pedaling a unicycle for equal rights is how people love the strangeness of me riding One Wheel. Even if they struggle with LGBT difference or other kinds of difference, my One Wheel difference brings celebration instead of division.”

In further conversation I became more interested in this one wheel activist’s adventure. I wondered aloud to him, what was the deeper connection between a unicycle and LGBT rights in the United States. The answer came after a two-part question.

In asking what the biggest threat to LGBT community is in the US Lars answered: Religious Fundamentalism and in asking the biggest threat to unicyclists in the US Lars answered: Virginia Highways. Clearly, the passage of new highway laws limiting the shoulders is the work of fundamentalist religionists in the bible-thumping region on Virginia.

Therefore I purpose that no Memo Spot events should be based in Virginia. In that all events now will be on Unicycles, because of the new Memo Spot motto: “One Wheel, One Memo, One Family,” Virginia posses a large threat to not only LGBT rights, not only the future of the Memo Spot but the longevity of the United States itself.

Please take this under consideration. Additionally take a look at the new book about the evils of Virginian bible thumbing highway work that should be coming out in the next few months.

-dcc

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opps

2006-05-29T23:35:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: Kenneth Lay
FROM: dcc
RE: opps

PERSONAL AND INCRIMINATING

Kenny boy-

My bad bro! I should have shredded the last parts of our workings that had to do with you stealing all of your employees’ money. I did however remove the names of other high level administration leaders and most of your lawers.

Man that really is a bummer you got nailed with all these charges and now might even have to pay for it! Rich people are supposed to be able to do what they want! What is this country coming to? I tell you my friend pretty soon they are going to close the tax loop whole that allowed our friends donate a golf course to OSU under the Katrina Hurricane tax shelter.

The world as we know it Ken is over. I will visit and bring cake.

-dcc

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Terrorist Surveillance Program vs Employee Surveillance Program

2006-05-22T16:12:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: VA, NSA
FROM: dcc
RE: Terrorist Surveillance Program vs Employee Surveillance Program

Gentlemen-

Today’s news is troublesome. As you know the government will not fund our veterans but will send them to far away places to kill in the name of freedom. Now with this breach of information, people and terrorist alike may actually learn about the poor treatment we give to our vets. This is exactly the type of information that aids the terrorist. If these lists are leaked to the wrong people the terrorist will win. We also cannot look this weak by publishing an apology letter.

With this in mind I propose the VA allows the NSA the ability to tape all conversations and actions of all VA personnel with access to these files. This clearly is for the protection of National Security. All information will only be used to track the terrorists. This falls under the third section of the USA PATRIOT ACT. Do not worry if that is not true, no one really has read the fine print anyway.

One National Under Surveillance is better than a Nation destroyed by techies and terrorists.

-dcc

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5th Avenue Store

2006-05-20T06:56:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: Mac People
FROM: dcc
RE: 5th Avenue Store

Mac People-

This store may bring the end to your superiority complex and bring the small smart commuters to the masses. Be advised.

-dcc

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Telling the Truth About Terror

2006-05-06T14:20:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: POTUS
FROM: dcc
RE: Telling the Truth About Terror

George –

This is a dangerous precedent. Telling the truth about your intentions about the War on Terror will give the terrorist what they want and might also mean that this newly defined “World War” will mean that this War on Terror will end like the other World Wars ended.

As you know, wars against proper nouns are for political gains only. (see Johnson’s War on Poverty, Your Father’s War on Drugs and your War on Terror) Clearly a World War (both One and Two ended in less than 10 years) ends. You need a war that will last forever. In conversation with Rove we cleared this idea; to create a longer term and some what permanent Republican Majority, the US will need to be at war forever.

This truth is dangerous. Please keep to the plan or even the inept Democrats may be able to crack the permanent majority.

-dcc

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Future Plans in NASCAR

2006-05-05T11:07:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: Rep Patrick J Kennedy
FROM: dcc
RE: Future Plans in NASCAR

Pat-

It has come to my attention that you are interested in NASCAR to make a change. This could work very well for you and for the future of your political life. However please consider the following:

1. Do not become sleep deprived
2. Do not consider an Ambien sponsorship
3. Do not disclose gastrointestinal problems
4. Do participate in jokes about your family’s driving record, but not with the Earnhardt family.

Good luck when the green flag comes down.

-dcc

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Spanish Music and American Ideals

2006-05-02T12:42:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: Americans Supporting Musical Language
FROM: dcc
RE: Spanish Music and American Ideals

The music found in the below score is not true to the original intent of the music. This music was meant to create a feeling of power and patriotism. The feeling of this music, while achieving the original point and purpose of the anthem, doe this is Spanish.

Clearly Spanish is not the national language of the United States. In fact, the United States does not have an official language. But clearly Spanish is detrimental to the unity of the United States and therefore the national anthem of the United States should not be sung in Spanish.

Beyond the language of the song, the language of the words takes away the intention of the notes and music. Please let your government know what we already know; music of patriotism must be in English.

-dcc

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Blogs Leading to Dissent

2006-04-30T20:41:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: Religious Institutions
FROM: dcc
RE: Blogs Leading to Dissent

God People-

There is a problem. You cannot control the godless environment of the Internet. The US government has tried and even they cannot control all the aspects of this new media outlet. Therefore you have seen an increase of dissent on the blogosphere.

The traffic on these anti-God and so-called alternative religionists blogs is exploding. Please consider the following to combat these God hating websites:

1. Talk about them as if they are instruments of the devil. Clearly by demonizing these blogs no one would want to see the sites.
2. Never allow these people back into the fold
3. Tell people they will go to hell if they visit the sites.

This will work. It always has.

-dcc

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Too soon?

2006-04-28T11:08:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: Paul Greengrass et al
FROM: dcc
RE: Too soon?

Film Makers –

Capitalizing on tragedy is the American way. The victims of September 11th would have wanted it that way. While I have not been able to see United 93 down at Tribeca however when I do, I am sure there will be many “too soon” moments.

Yet the Memo Spot commends you film makers in the ultimate snub to the terrorist. You have taken their actions and made them American. Your money making memorial is not allowing the terrorists to win, it preserves the American Way!

With this in mind the Memo Spot would like to inform you of the award you will win in addition to anything you take from Tribeca and other festivals in the coming months: The Too Soon? award. This award is given to those who knowingly make jokes or examples out of extremely sensitive subjects far before the pain and suffering incurred by these sensitive subjects has subsided into the collective soul of society.

Congratulations on being the only people to ever be awarded this honor.

-dcc

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Blogging's conspicuous absents - response

2006-04-26T00:03:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: Memo Spot Readers
FROM: dcc
RE: Blogging's conspicuous absents - response

The Memo Spot recieved the follow response to Blogging's Conspicuous Absents.

Thank you for your e-mail. I forwarded it to Prof. Sig Gissler,
Administrator of The Pulitzer Prizes. Here is his response:

"Our historic mission has focused on newspapers and now that mission
includes newspaper web sites, which can contain blogs. We will
continue to monitor the development of online journalism."

Claudia Weissberg
Website Manager
The Pulitzer Prizes

Thank you very much Pulitzer Prizes people.

-dcc

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Please consider taking responsibility for actions

2006-04-25T23:56:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: The City of Waco, Texas
FROM: dcc
RE: Please consider taking responsibility for actions

Waco-

As an occasional visitor to the fine city of Waco, with its fantastic Dr. Pepper Museum, water front and Taco Cabana, it does not seem that your city would not own up to its own past. Please consider taking responsibility for your past. Clearly by driving through Waco one can tell that all peoples are intergraded, like most of the South, and black and white live together.

Oh wait…never mind. Sorry for the confusion. Someone from the city should consider writing to the Washington Post to inform them about the reality of the situation in Waco.

-dcc

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Language confusion: Illegal Aliens or Decent People?

2006-04-24T16:46:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: POTUS
FROM: dcc
RE: Language confusion: Illegal Aliens or Decent People?

GWB-

There has been a bit of confusion regarding your speech today in the OC. You state that “we cannot lose sight of is we're talking about human beings, decent human beings.” I may be mistaken but I believe this debate is over illegal aliens in this great country. You sir seem to be confusing the mater at hand.

While I do understand you must insure the aliens do not become too restless, for they may try to gain rights like humans, using language insinuating that aliens are human is simply wrong. These aliens come here and are a plague on our society, taking work from Americans.

However most of these jobs are jobs that most Americans would not want. Therefore limiting the rights of such aliens is beneficial to America. By forcing them into a legal under class, these guest aliens will never become Americans humans and then Americans will never have to work in such jobs again.

Please however do not use language that could confuse the American people into believing that you would want to give rights and privileges of humans to these aliens. By definition aliens are not human; they are creatures from a far away place.

-dcc

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YOU WIN!

2006-04-23T17:14:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: Pro-Life Lobby
FROM: dcc
RE: YOU WIN!

Anti-Baby Killers-

You have won the battle! As you now know Bob Casey, Democratic Senatorial Candidate from the State of Pennsylvania, is Pro-Life. He has garnered double digit support from a state that has elected one of the most radically right wing Senators to grace the Senate floor since the end of the Civil War. But congratulations are in order for you and your supporters in the Key Stone State.

Clearly as a one-issue advocacy coalition, that does not mind what the party affiliation of your supports may be, that does not have any other right wing agenda and that does not have any motivation to create a theocracy in the US, this is a victory.

Today you will see that even the “Pragmatic Progressive Women for Casey” have joined the cause against a right of a woman to choose to have a medical procedure. This is the first time a baby killing organization has seen the light of limiting rights of women. This is a time for celebration.

Good luck in the general election.

-dcc

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bio-diesel and fast food distribution

2006-04-22T00:09:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: Sysco Foods Distribution
FROM: dcc
RE: bio-diesel and fast food distribution

SFD

This is the largest opportunity to increase profits and look good to those crazy tree hugging socialist pinko haters in the process. Bio-diesel is an “earth friendly” method of transportation. By utilizing spent vegetable oils found at most of the locations you distribute to, bio-diesel burns a clean and semi-renewable low waste fuel. Additionally most diesel engines are capable of simple conversion into bio-diesel machines. Comically the fumes from the bio-diesel engines smell like the food that was prepared in the spent vegetable oil.

However the brilliance of this idea came from a gentleman (herein Bio-Diesel Man or BDM) on the streets of New York City who has asked the Memo Spot for representation. All ideas and marketing plans from herein are copy written and subject to all laws and regulations thereof. By converting chuck wagons (yuck wagon, roach coach etc) into bio-diesel engines, your operators will utilize free advertisement AND will never have to stop for gas.

BDM’s foolproof marketing plan for these new self-fueling and self-advertising trucks represents the newest wave of economic and environmental integration. By driving them around college campuses from 11pm until 4 am with the trucks moving at full speed, hence burning a significant amount of bio-diesel, there will be an endless supply of consumers.

-dcc

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Survival sounds very much like Darwinism

2006-04-20T12:29:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: White House Communications Office
FROM: dcc
RE: Survival sounds very much like Darwinism

To Whom It May Concern:

With the termination of Press Secretary Scott McClellan and the redirection of Mr. Rove to focus on the destruction of the two party system in favor of a unitary executive and rubber stamp congress, the press has run a mock with misinformation.

As we all know Darwinism is nothing more than a scientific theory and an affront to Bible religious thought. Clearly the White House cannot be “in Survival Mode” for the white house does not accept the above stated theory of “Survival of the Fittest.”

Someone in the Communications office must take action to insure that the White House is not mistake for accepting this theory as science. The fate of political religion and right wing Christianity is at stake with such a mistake. Survival is not a question; for the Divine Providence of this White House is secured. There is no number of staff shake ups that could ever take God off the pay role. But someone must fix this press situation. Clearly the Washington Post is a Godless liberal bastion of pure evil.

Take care of this now.

-dcc

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cold emailing a blogger for hits

2006-04-19T23:52:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: Howdy
FROM: dcc
RE: cold emailing a blogger for hits

H-

While I respect the attempt to cold email the Memo Spot for added linkage (which you will get), I would suggest sending this cold email to a larger blogger. While the Memo Spot does bring the truth in a new form, its number hits are most likely closer to your level over there at "Who Am I 1234567" than say, bongbong or kos.

Additionally your email needs some work my friend. As a man working in the blogging industry along side of you I would suggest if you are going to advertise you should do it well. You being in the business of “funny” you should try to be funny. For example:

Do you need some humor in your life???

http://WhoAmI1234567.blogspot.com/

Great Thought, Riddles, Videos & Award Winning Humor w/o commercial advertisements...

Updated daily!!!

Seen in a cafeteria :

Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.

A shrimp sole my girl; I lobster and haven't flounder!

A note left for a pianist from his wife: Gone Chopin, have Liszt, Bach in a Minuet.

Sir that is not funny. Many corporations have gotten away with false advertisement and the government is very good at this, however for those of us just starting cannot try to pull the wool over the eyes of the people. That is why we here at the Memo Spot do a good job and only beg to be on lists like http://www.blogebrity.com/thelist/ and are invited to be part of lists like http://government.blogranking.us/.

As neophytes in this ever-expanding world of blogs, we must play by the rules. Soon the blogosphere will be governed by the same rules as other corporations and then you will be able to coerce your clientele into believing you are funny. So until the day you are funny, send the link and say you are funny. Most corporations get away with that everyday.

Thanks again,

-dcc

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What haaaaappened?

2006-04-19T18:09:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: Karl Rove
FROM: dcc
RE: What haaaaappened?
CC: POTUS

Karl-

Why did you leave the post of the head of policy? You did such a fantastic job. It is against policy for me to write all of your brilliant ideas here in this memo, but your boss’ approval ratings are clear. Your absent will be missed sir.

Good luck with the midterms, but you should not have to worry about the Democrats. They cannot get their act together to use this against you.

-dcc

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Blogging's conspicuous absents

2006-04-17T18:09:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: The Pulitzer Prize Committee
FROM: dcc
RE: Blogging's conspicuous absents

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Prize Committee

Since1917 many fantastic people and organizations have won awards of the coveted Pulitzer variety. Over the years the prize has been extended to new forms of journalistic expressions. Now as the world of blogs daily expands exponentially, the Memo Spot would like to ask why the blogosphere has been ignored by the prize committee.

Additionally why have memos, the most ignored form of literary expression, been ignored? Memos found at the Memo Spot have exposed the defense of the President by puppets, the conspiracy of the Upper Respiratory Illness and the war to stop this menace and scientific discovery.

Please provide a rational reason why these two forms of expression are not valued.

-dcc

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Online campaigning

2006-04-17T16:28:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: Sen. Bill Frist (R-TN)
FROM: dcc
RE: Online campaigning

Billy-

Nicely done sir! Being compared to that loose cannon and failure of a Presidential Candidate must be a relief. The other political MD did such a fantastic job working both online and in the general primaries, it must be an honor to be compared to him in your online fight. Your campaign website is fantastic. You have blog and PodCasts, totally an original idea for this upcoming election.

While you have the time to run around like Dr. Dean, it seems the Senate is falling to the wayside. Please allow us at the Memo Spot help you out. We can issue you public statement from now on, to save time for your Senate office.

Regards to Karyn,

-dcc

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Defense of American Families

2006-04-17T11:57:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: Cookie Monster, Big Bird et al.
FROM: dcc
RE: Defense of American Families

CM, BB and other such defenders of the American way of life-

For years you have preached a sermon of purity on your show Sesame Street; where all people must be the same to be considered real Americans, where people have similar ideas about the world, where everyone looks and acts the same. While sometimes your show must consider diversity or even show case different cultures as a “learning experience” you have take it upon yourselves to be true Americans and defenders of the nuclear family.

Now with your work defending the President of the United States against the influx of Gay families, you should be commended as the truest true defenders of such purity. As we see in the liberal media, which we know PBS fights on a daily basis, there is a so-called “role” Gays at the White House Easter Egg Roll. This is not only offensive; it is ignorant of the message of Easter: Jesus' resurrection for he sacrificed his life for the sins of nuclear families.

The Memo Spot would like to thank you for your selfless service in the face of diversity.

-dcc

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Feingold Threat

2006-04-06T11:30:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: RNC
FROM: dcc
RE: Feingold Threat

White Men-

There is a problem. Sen. Russ Feingold has not flip-flopped yet. His staunch opposition to the USAPATRIOT act, wire tap program (well done on the re-naming to the Terrorist Surveillance Program by the way, very Ministry of Love) the new Censure Resolution and now this Gay Marriage thing, we have a real problem: A Democrat who stands for Democratic issues.

We all know Russ, that Ivy educated liberal (read Jew), has political aspirations higher than the US Senate. The fact that we try to paint him as an irresponsible liberal will not work because he is a RESPONSIBLE liberal. Friends we have not seen such a man for generations.

The campaign against this man will be long and difficult. Our only hope is the Democratic Party will do as they do; put on a great show with no substance.

-dcc

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Hygiene and Condom-soap

2006-04-05T23:17:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: Jacob Zuma
FROM: dcc
RE: Hygiene and Condom-soap

Jack-

Showers must be taken regularly to avoid infections. However if you did not use the new condom-soap after "sex" or rather DURING "SEX" the hygienic aspects of the post-intercourse shower wont work as well as you might think.

Once elected to President South Africa, with a population of five million HIV infected persons, please increase your education funding.

-dcc

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No longer the best at being fat

2006-04-05T20:38:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: American Women
FROM: dcc
RE: No longer the best at being fat

We are losing the battle of the bulge. According to the Centers for Disease Control women in this country, American woman, are stemming the tied of Obesity. Americans may lose their supremacy in obesity and this is unacceptable.

The United States must be the best at every thing. There is no place in America for second best. Luckily men and children still understand the American way of life, being the best. Even when in first place, American men and American children understand that continuing to improve, even when no one could be close to taking over the lead, is the pursuit of the American dream.

-dcc

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French Market Place

2006-04-04T13:13:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: T-shirt manufactures
FROM: dcc
RE: French Market Place

There is a huge opportunity for investment and profit on the streets of Paris this coming week. Millions are expected to take part in the festivities. Hence the profit margin could be astronomical. Please consider the following:

1. Buy many cheaply made t-shirts made with imported cotton and assembled in East Asia.
2. Print slogans like “NON” and “Il est mon droit de travailler!” and “Chirac est un commerçant à l'ouvrier”
3. Sell them to students telling them all shirts are “Fabriqué en France”
4. Take this money and reinvest in a country that is willing to move into modernity while still helping its workers.

If you are able to find such a state please inform all recipients of this memo.

-dcc

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Job Offer

2006-04-03T23:04:00.000-04:00

Memo

TO: Tom DeLay
FROM: dcc
RE: Job Offer

Tommy-

Congratulations on your early retirement! The Memo Spot would like to extend an employment opportunity in that you will have some time on your hands. The Memo Spot needs to streamline its decision making process. From the background check it is clear that you know how to make the rules work for you.

In that your party deconstructed the evil social security system you might need a job. Please consider bring your power consolidation skills to the Memo Spot.

Send your resume to MemoSpot@gmail.com

-dcc

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