The Memo Spot

Inspirational words have found their way into prose, poetry, song and essay. Never before has the memo been given its proper place among the powerful tools of language...until now.

Name:
Location: New York, New York, Timor-Leste

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Puerile thoughts of the under utilized executive and the existence of the Big-kid Syndrome

Memo

TO: Dr. Goldfleldenstinenberg, Director; Harvard School of Psychiatric Research
FROM: dcc
RE: Puerile thoughts of the under utilized executive and the existence of the Big-kid Syndrome

Doc-

Today I present to you another formula I have developed in observing 78 executives in 50 different Fortune 500 corporations over the last six months. Clearly this study did have to stop in order to fulfill our societal obligation to save the lives of millions, hence this is an incomplete study that did however receive conclusive results.

These results are:

1. Executives act like the “big-kid” on the playground.
2. “Big-kid Syndrome” (BS) leads to a feeling of invisibility.
3. BS leads executives to extreme measures to pursue the bottom line.
4. Many other high level people who interact with such executives tend exhibit characteristics of BS and have BS relationships as well.
a. This extends to politicians, regulators and bureaucrats

The method to this study was quite simple actually. First the 78 executives were chosen at random, however all 500 thought corporations felt their CEO would be the best for the study and offered better seats at their share holders meetings. Then these executives were observed over the course of six (6) months in which all interactions with other people was documented in three (3) ways:

1. Who started the conversation?
2. Who ended the conversation?
3. Did the conversation end in a non-sequester where one party was left confused and defeated? (i.e. did one of the parties maturely state “naha naha po po”)

A significant majority of the interactions were started, ended and with such a mature non-sequester by the executive. This set of data is what is used to show that all 78 of the participants in this study exhibit BS on a daily basis. Yes that is right 100% of executives in Fortune 500 corporations have nothing but BS relationships with those who work for them.

Because of BS, executives do not take into consideration the lives of the people their corporations touch. For example the big-kid intends to be in charge of the entire situation on the jungle gym, regardless of the feelings or safety of younger and perceivably inferior children. Much is the same in the mentality of these BS executives. These men and women want to swing on the tire more than they seem to care about the longevity of such an investment. I feel that we may have taken this metaphor a little far in explaining this particular aspect of this syndrome.

BS executives will only take into consideration the direct effects on his or her self and corporation, hence leading to a negative playground environment. I suppose the continued abuse of this metaphor could be useful.

Thus with this in mind we continued only for two more months to observe the BS executives and felt that the study needed to be pursued in a broader fashion in order to save the lives of the millions of people confused by the “naha naha po po” management style and to protect the dorks, the nerds and the middle management lackeys lost in the harsh effects of this BS epidemic.

Again regards to Mara.

-dcc



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Monday, January 23, 2006

Appointment of PEZ dispenser to the Hall of Candy and herrings of said appointment

Memo

TO: National Confectioners Association
FROM: dcc
RE: Appointment of PEZ dispenser to the Hall of Candy and herrings of said appointment.

Over the past few weeks much has been said about the packaged felling of the PEZ dispenser’s answers in his hearings to be appointed to the coveted Hall of Candy. However after 79 years of existence, PEZ has shown a long history of similar answers to almost every situation put before him. His constancy should not be a surprise to anyone.

However, there are many in the “health food” world who are pointing the finger at our nominee. They are saying that his inability to answer questions regarding his position on eating more than one candy at a time is evidence that he is against eating more than one candy at a time. While all one would have to do is look to his distribution history to show that if a child wants more than one piece of PEZ he/she would have only to wait until the his head went back down and up to deliver this piece of candy.

Also frivolous accusations were flung at our nominee regarding his associate with the so called exclusive sugar only clubs at his institution of higher learning. We, candy lovers and traditionalist, understand that sugar clubs are not to the determent of chocolate or other candies, but they are for the longevity of a glorious history of sugar candies. In reality PEZ is more than just a sugar only candy.

Please write to the board to insure PEZ hold his rightful space in the Hall of Candy.

Thank you for your continued support.

-dcc

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Thursday, January 12, 2006

Unmitigated Reliance on Spell Check

Memo

TO: Recent Collegiate Graduates
FROM: dcc
RE: Unmitigated Reliance on Spell Check

Friends:

This memo is to serve as a reminder that we must give thanks to the creator of Spell Check. In a recent survey complied by MEMOSPOT it has become clear that a significant number of Recent Collegiate Graduates (RCG) are completely and utterly dependent on Spell Check. In some cases those typing were found to not be able to understand their pervious statement without the “auto correct” function.

In that the findings of this study were so staggering, MEMOSPOT on behalf of all RCG in the world would like to award the Red Squiggly Subscript Line Award to Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and other techno-nerds involved in the total destruction of the properly spelled written prose.

-dcc

(Point of information: 10 words in this memo were spelled incorrectly and two were auto-corrected)

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Wednesday, January 04, 2006

The Eternal Upper Respiratory Illness Inflicted upon the City

Memo

TO: NYC Commuters
FROM: dcc
RE: The Eternal Upper Respiratory Illness Inflicted upon the City

Private and Classified

Ladies and Gentlemen:

After my second bout of this evilness embodied in shortness in breath, headache, runny nose and pure terrorism of the post-nasal drip, I suggest – here in this memo – that we declare a War on the Upper Respiratory Illness (URI). Much like the War on Terrorism, this war will take place in the hearts and minds of the world’s population.

First we must declare one group of people obviously responsible and later retract such a statement to say that only those extremist are the ones truly guilty of the infliction of the infection. Personally I believe we should set our sights on the hipster community. Those hipsters feel as if everything below 14th Street is theirs to dirty and mess up just enough to pretend their $500 jeans were worn-in and not bought that way. These people do not shower enough, hence they are guilty.

Stage two will be to set up fear inducing advertisements regarding the URI. These ads can have color coding. For example, “Clear” means “Drink more water and get more rests” while “Bright Green” means “Go to the doctor and spend the $67.50 on a Z-pak.”

The third stage will be to integrate a few hipsters into the fight against URI. This way the target of stage one will be demystified and will show our compassion. However, this hipster will not really be from below 14th Street but rather a cleaner “would-be” hipster. This way not only do we achieve positive PR from those radical investigative journalists; we will not have to touch the unclean.

While we will never eradicate the URI from the world, we will be able to spend tons of money and time gallivanting around the city of New York pretending to be on a mission of civic duty. The time is now to get on board with this effort, for it you are not with us, you are for the evil that is embodied in post-nasal drip.

-dcc


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http://www.cafepress.com/memospot