The Memo Spot

Inspirational words have found their way into prose, poetry, song and essay. Never before has the memo been given its proper place among the powerful tools of language...until now.

Name:
Location: New York, New York, Timor-Leste

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

The Painful Use of the Phrase “At the End of the Day”

Memo

TO: Young American Professionals
FROM: dcc
RE: The Painful Use of the Phrase “At the End of the Day”

As you remember from “The lackluster lexicon and banality of ‘awesome’ and ‘amazing’” memo dated 28 August 2005, the usage of language is imperative to the longevity of our professional positions. Clearly the message outlined in that memo was interpreted extremely conservatively. The central aspect of that memo was to impart that overuse of particular terms, words or phrases diminish the power of ones point. Therefore this memo has become necessary.

“At the end of the day” does not mean anything besides the time when the sun is no longer in the sky. “Regardless of the time, the sun sets at the end of the day” for example is an appropriate use of this phrase while “At the end of the day, the contract will be signed or we are going to walk out of the negotiations,” is not.

Many of us believe that simply using phrases that have taken on new meaning in our daily lives makes them appropriate in professional interactions. This is wrong. Everyone in society understands the common usage of the word “dude,” however one would be wrong to employ such a pronoun in an office setting unless one was working at the ranch office.

Accordingly please file this memo with the 28 August 2005 memo to use as reference prior to any major interaction in a professional setting.


-dcc

Did you get the memo? Follow the link to learn more.
http://www.cafepress.com/memospot/

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Dominance of Males in the World Strongest Man Championships

Memo

TO: Magnus Magnus
FROM: dcc
CC: MET-Rx

RE: Dominance of Males in the World Strongest Man Championships

MM-

As always it was great seeing you on ESPN 2 last night at 4:30 am. In this memo I hope to address two major issues. One is the dominance of males in the World’s Strongest Man Championships (WSMC). The second is the necessity of dragging a very large vehicle for an extended distance…we all know you guys are buff.

Man is an older term that represents all of humanity; as in "Mankind" or "Man was placed here on earth to do good." To make a statement like a World’s Strongest MAN Championship makes it seem as if women are also included in these events. Is this true?

Therefore I ask you to address if there is a need to change the name of the WSMC to World’s Strongest Male Championship? A follow up to this question is to explore the feasibility of a World’s Strongest Female Championship.

Take care Magnus and send regards to Gertrude

-dcc

Did you get the memo? Follow the link to learn more.
http://www.cafepress.com/memospot/

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Real grievances sited for MTA/TWU Strike

Memo

TO: NYC Commuters
FROM: dcc
RE: Real grievances sited for MTA/TWU Strike

By now I am sure you have heard the good news that the 2005 MTA Strike has ended; if not actually but on paper. The Union and the MTA have come to an agreement to come back to the table. However the real reasons for the strike are coming out as we speak and it was fitting to pass this information along to you all in a memo.

The TWU felt the unsafe rider-ship of Jesse L. Martin and Wilson Jermaine Heredia provoked by the filming of Anthony Rapp along the E Train has gone unrestricted by the MTA. The TWU has demanded that all parties responsible for the actions of Martin, Heredia and Rapp are reprimanded and fined. The MTA felt this was a ridiculous request.

However after the MTA was shown a security film of the above mentioned incident by State Mediators, Gary Dellaverson, MTA Chief Negotiator gave into this demand. The TWU came back to the table affectively accepting the new guidelines for negotiation.

Back to the trains!

-dcc

Did you get the memo? Click the link to learn more.
http://www.cafepress.com/memospot

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

The preposterous price of tickets for entertainment purposes

Memo

TO: The Collective of Heightened Entertainment and Action Performers (CHEAP)
FROM: dcc
CC: The Academy
RE: The preposterous price of tickets for entertainment purposes

CHEAP:

This memo is to discuss the profit margin of all entertainment ticket proceeds. The average price of a ticket to a movie in the United States is approximately $8. The average price to see a live performance of a play or musical is $40 and on Broadway approximately $100. One can see RENT, or see RENT on the stage or actually pay rent.

The time has come to explain yourselves. While it is totally respectable to demand fair wages and equal pay for time worked, it seems a bit ridiculous to fight for better star trailers and colder Fuji Water. As a member of the community at large I ask for a full disclosure of the CHEAP budget and income.

In the rest of this memo you will find an outline requesting the following items and questions to be answered:

1. Please provide a full tax summary of the CHEAP Assets
2. Please provide a full disclosure on all income and expenses for CHEAP members.
3. Why must it cost so much to go to the movies?
4. Why do you insist on making popcorn so expensive?
5. Why do you insist on making the popcorn so stale?
6. Why did you insist on making on of the most over rated shows in the last twenty years into on of the most over rated movies in the last two months?

I very much look forward to reviewing the information provided by your CHEAP attorney and CHEAP accountant. Please understand that I am only looking for the best solution for an extremely important problem in today’s society; for without low cost entertainment, we will all turn to a life of crime and violence.

Please let the board know of this issue as soon as possible.

Thank you.

-dcc

Did you get the memo? Follow the link to learn more: http://www.cafepress.com/memospot

Friday, December 16, 2005

High School Reunion Reversal Syndrome

Memo

TO: Dr. Goldfleldenstinenberg, Director; Harvard School of Psychiatric Research
FROM: dcc
RE: High School Reunion Reversal Syndrome

Dr. Goldfleldenstinenberg it is great to work with you again. In the coming months we will see an sharp increase in the number of cases of depression from individuals attending High School reunions. I have come up with a theory that I would like for you to research.

Individuals who feel into the “cool and popular crowd” (CAPC) tend to expect a similar welcoming at their reunions. However as a majority of the research conducted in the last fifteen years on the long term feasibility of consistent CAPC membership, we see that those who were CAPC in High School tend to have low paying menial jobs.

It would be remiss not to mention that those doing the research tend not to be members of CAPC but Bullied, Irritated, Techies, Hurt group or BITCH. BITCH tend to have vested interest in returning the favor on their CAPS later in life. This research may be a contributing factor.

This is why I write this memo. The information is there to prove that CAPS tend to fall into a mild depression because of what I term High School Reunion Reversal Syndrome or HSRRS. There is no adverse affect to the BITCH but CAPS tend to become clinically depressed for approximately one month.

However because of the aforementioned bias in the research data, I ask you sir to follow up on this theory.

Take care and again regards to Mara.

-dcc

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Etiquette on Public Transportation in the United States

Memo:

TO: Backpacking Post-Graduate population
FROM: dcc
CC: Sec. Norman Mineta
RE: Etiquette on Public Transportation in the United States

Through out the United States public transportation systems (PTS) are drastically different. Below you will find different unspoken rules of the PTS around the United States.

NYC:
Do not make eye contact. This will lead conversations about issues that while you may believe you understand, while in reality you will in end be blamed on the existence of aliens in the subways and sewers.

One must learn the Subway dialect. In most trains throughout NYC one will hear announcements about the location of the train in the city. However with out a codebook (available at most MTA stands) these announcements will be incomprehensible. Again see the rule above for reasons not to ask fellow Subway rider about the content of the announcement.

San Francisco:
Ignore the “art people.” The art people tend to believe they have some sort of higher plane of existence. This leads to ridiculous statement of understand that may lead to a missed stop on the BART. One missed stop can lead you from SF to Oakland and destroy any set of dinner plans.

Watch for trendy leftists and their thousand dollar bicycles. These bicycles are treated like children and both women and men will go into parental protection mode if you are to even look at the bike in the wrong way.

Washington, DC:
Make sure you know what quadrant you are in and you are going to. Do not expect to have the cleanest and quietest PTS in the country to make much sense. Do not even think about eating for the Metro Police have been know to use the Night Stick to enforce the no food or drink regulations.

Los Angeles
If you find there is a PTS, please inform the author of the unspoken rules of the PTS or add to the memo.

Boston
Rude interactions are necessary to protect yourself from the locals. Do not speak of the Yankees.

Regardless of the location of your trip, using PTS is a relatively expeditious experience here in the United States.

Good luck and enjoy your trip.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Oblongular Toilet Paper Roll

Memo

TO: Steven McLerney; American Association of Sanitation Suppliers: Hartford, Oregon Littleton & Eire
FROM: dcc

RE: Oblongular Toilet Paper Roll


Steven:

It has come to my attention that many public restrooms that the American Association of Sanitation Suppliers (AASS) stocks in the North East employ the Oblongular Toilet Paper Roll (OTPR). The OTPR is a tool that you at AASS use to insure that your clients provide single sheets of toilet paper those who frequent your clients’ restrooms. Incase I am using the wrong term, let me explain my understanding of the OTPR: the OTPR is the roll that only allows a half spin of the roll of toilet paper, hence forcing the roll to provide a single sheet of toilet paper. Please let me know if OTPR is now being marketed under a new name in your response.

Steven, this tool is the most frustrating feature of any bathroom. In studies conducted by the US Sub-Department of Public Bathroom Safety, the OTPR has proven to increase stress to such levels as to increase the number of heart attacks in public places. The OTPR is a danger to the health public restroom users everywhere.

In a separate study conducted by the University of Colorado, Bolder, the OTPR proves to force people into repetitive movements with the same hand. The Bolder study has shown that those who use the OTPR at a minimum of ten times a week (where in the user will have to rip at least ten times but not ten visits said restroom using the OTPR ten times) may develop carpel tunnel syndrome.

While I respect the AASS Hartford, Oregon, Littleton & Eire chapters’ decision to sell this product, I feel that the overwhelming evidence presented above may provide a persuasive argument against the continued sale of the OTPR.

I look forward to your reply.

Excited for the annual AASS HOLE chili cook-off. Hope your brother is feeling better.

-dcc

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Mexican Food Restaurants Owned and Operated by Asians

Memo

TO: New Yorkers Ordering Take-out
FROM: dcc
CC: New Time Restaurant
RE: Mexican Food Restaurants Owned and Operated by Asians

By way of a disclaimer: I am only writing this out of interest in the business aspects of supply and demand and this has nothing to do with racial assumptions…alright a little of this has to do with racial assumptions but the majority of it has to do with supply and demand.

Many people wrongly assume that an ethnic restaurant will be owned by a person of the same ethnicity. Until not so long ago I believed the same thing. Three nights ago I ordered food from my favorite local fast food Mexican food delivery. “New Time" restaurant has a great Mexican Pizza that I tend to enjoy after a long day. It is tasty, greasy and cheap; all things that I like to associate with take-out food.

However, to my shock when I ordered my food the woman taking down my request for a Mexican Pizza asked me to hold on a second and then with some volume in what I could only assume was an Asian language yelled at another person in the restaurant.

This was only interesting until my astutely aware business partner and roommate pointed out that “New Time” also was a Chinese restaurant that had the same phone numbers. This restaurant does not have an address, it is only delivery.

Outside of this quintessential New York moment there is something to explore here; the possibility that a single location is providing every type of food differentiated by only a menu number. This is a revolutionary culinary and economic model. The owners of this restaurant have studied the demographical and demand data of the population of the Upper East Side and have learned that both Chinese food and Mexican food are profitable enterprise.

By having the restaurants with such names as “New Time” and using different paper menus, the owners give the illusion of a different location and different restaurants, yet save enormous amounts of money in rent and utilities. Shockingly enough the beef with broccoli and the beef and veggie burritos have a remarkably similar taste.

New Time should be up for some sort of award. Therefore I will assign the first ever MEMOSPOT Culinary and Economic Award to New Time Restaurant of the Upper East Side of Manhattan, NY.

Collectivly we should get together and discuss this business plan futher.

Warm wishes to the family,

-dcc