The Memo Spot

Inspirational words have found their way into prose, poetry, song and essay. Never before has the memo been given its proper place among the powerful tools of language...until now.

Name:
Location: New York, New York, Timor-Leste

Sunday, August 28, 2005

The lackluster lexicon and banality of “awesome” and “amazing”

Memo

To: American Young Professionals
From: dcc
Re: The lackluster lexicon and banality of “awesome” and “amazing”

As a member of this group I feel that we must address a growing concern of those in the business of oration, dictation and the art of linguistics. The words awesome and amazing are not the only adjectives that can describe something that could be described as good or not bad.

While a list of such words are found in a thesaurus (found either online at www.thesaurus.com or in a local library), you will find some of these fantastic words integrated into this fabulous memo.

However, it is of the utmost importance that this epidemic of hackneyed expression ends immediately. These trite expressions dull our arguments. For example “Wow, that is an awesome point but in reality genocide is not really a good idea,” is not as powerful as “Well while I can understand that those particular ideas may seem beneficial to you now, genocide is never a good policy.” The second sentence, by simply employing a different positive description, is much stronger.

The same is true of amazing. While one could state “You were amazing,” it would be much more effective to state “the way in which you achieved such perfection in your actions is truly an act of a higher power.” Again by ignoring one of the most over used and abused words in the American English language, the speaker will be better received by the subject of the sentence.

Please make an effort to remove “awesome” and “amazing” from your collective lexicon.

Regards.

-dcc

Friday, August 19, 2005

Relative Diminutive IQ of Highly Functional Adults due to Air Travel

Memo

To: Dr. Goldfleldenstinenberg, Director; Harvard School of Psychiatric Research
From: dcc
Re: Relative Diminutive IQ of Highly Functional Adults due to Air Travel

I hope that this memo finds you well Dr. Goldfleldenstinenberg. Over the past few years it has come to my attention that highly functional adult lose approximately five to thirty Intelligent Quotient points while traveling through major American Airports. I have also found in my research that many variables effect the gravity of this loss of IQ points.

The first variable is the size of the airport in which the traveler is departing and in which the traveler is arriving. When a traveler is going from his/her home airport the loss of IQ points is negligible and the major loss in this trip will occur during the deplaning in the destination city. This is the same when the traveler is returing home: the loss will be effected by the departing airport. Following this model, if there are many connecting airports the loss of IQ points is more drastic than on direct flights.

The seat in which the traveler is seated plays a major role in the loss of IQ during the actual flight. If he/she is seated in First Class he/she will lose the most points because of the absolute lack of discomfort. Accordingly there is a negative relationship between the level of comfort and the IQ level of a traveler. The longer the trip, and hence the more exposer to the the negative influence of the seating, the more drastic the loss of IQ points. While the location of the seat (ie seat A, seat B and so on) does influence the loss of points, it was found to be negible in this study.

During the statistical analysis of this study I also found that the amount of luggage, both checked and carry-on, is by the far the most influential determinate of decreased intelligence. In this situation there is a positive correlation between the pieces of luggage and the retention of IQ points. This follows the same principle of the negative relationship of lack discomfort from the pervious paragraph regarding class seating.

In conclusion the simple equation to use for IQ loss during air travel, that can also be found in the full report (currently at the publisher), is:

Loss in IQ = [Size of Departure (if not home airport)/2 + Size of Arrival (if not home airport)/2]2 + [Seating location(3- first, 2 -business, 1-economy plus, 0-coach, -1-last row)] - [n Checked Luggage + n Carry-on Luggage]

Regards to Mara and the kids and I look forward to your response,

-dcc

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Traffic Light Signs

Memo

TO: CalTRANS, City of Los Angeles
FROM: dcc
CC: All Commuters from the "Valley" going South on the 101
RE: Traffic Light Signs Utility

While it is nice to know, the time of travel from just before the 101/405 split in Sherman Oaks, CA to what ever your final destination is to be on a particular day, it would be much more beneficial for the entire Freeway not to slow down to a crawl to read this information. As a fan of technological advancement there is only so much I can address in the first of what would be many more memos if I were to still be living in Los Angeles. In that I am to move to New York, rest assured that this particular memo serves as a informal complaint regarding the state of traffic on the 101 Freeway in the San Franando Valley of Los Angeles.

Regards to the kids,

-dcc

TAP ASS

Memo

TO: Amy Rossel
CC: REY, RDS, LJD
FROM: dcc

RE: The State of Triangular Aqua-plyometrics in the United States

The state of Triangular Aqua-plyometrics (TAP) has again fallen to the way side. As members of the TAP association it is important to remember that we must stand strong in support of such a lifestyle.

The following directives shall save our TAP :

- Enter the wet zone with two other people
- Engage in activities only when you have the intention of finishing with everyone involved
- Make sure you have the proper safety equipment
- Only act with appropriate partners and remember enthusiasm breads enthusiasm.


Thank you all for your time and energy. I look forward to our next meeting of the TAP ASS.

-dcc